Type

Behavior

Suggestion

Hostile

• “It’ll never work.”
• “That’s a typical engineering viewpoint.”

• “How do others feel about this?”
• “You may be right, but let’s review the facts and the evidence.

Know-It-All

• “I have worked on this project more than anyone in this room…”
• “I have done this kind of work for years…”

• Let’s review the facts.”  (Avoid theory speculation)
• “Another person with noteworthy experience in this has advised us…”

Loudmouth

• Constantly blurts out ideas or questions.
• Tries to dominate the meeting.

• Interrupt: “Can you summarize your main point/question for us?”
• “I appreciate your comments, but we should also hear from others.”

Interrupter

• Starts talking before others are finished.

• “Wait a minute, Jim, let’s let Jan finish what she was saying.”

Interpreter

• “What John is really trying to say is…”
• “John would respond to that question by saying…”

• “Let’s let John speak for himself.  Go ahead, John, finish what you were saying.”
• “John, how would you respond.”
• “John, do you think Jim correctly understood what you said?”

Gossiper

• “Isn’t there a regulation that you can’t…”
• “I thought I heard the VP Finance say…”

• “Can anyone here verify this?”        ( assuming no response)
• “Let’s not take the time of the group until we can verify the accuracy of this information.

Whisperer

• Irritating side conversation going on between two people.

• Walk up close to the guilty parties and make eye contact.
• Stop talking and establish dead silence.
• Politely ask the whisperers to wait until the meeting is over to finish their conversation

Type

Behavior

Suggestion

Silent Distracter

• Reads newspapers, rolls eyes, shakes their head, or fidgets.

• Ask them questions to determine their level of interest, support, and expertise.
• Try to build an alliance by drawing them into the discussion.
• If all of the above doesn’t work, discuss your concerns with them during a break.

 Busy-Busy

• Ducks in and out of the meeting repeatedly, taking messages, dealing with crisis.

• Schedule the meeting away from the office.
• Check with common offenders before the meeting to ask if the planned time is okay for minimum interruptions.

 Latecomer

• Comes late and interrupts the meeting.

• Announce an odd time (8:46) for the meeting to emphasize the necessity for promptness.
• Make it inconvenient for latecomers to find a seat.
• Stop talking until the latecomer finds a seat.
• Establish a “latecomer’s kitty” for refreshments.
• Continue with the meeting and bring the latecomer up to speed after the meeting.

Early Leaver

• Announces, with regrets that they must leave for another important activity.

•  Before starting, announce the ending time and ask if anyone has a scheduling conflict.

• If you don’t you are apt to become trapped into a particular view just because you are comfortable with it.
• Get out of your comfort zone.

2.) Do Not Confuse Verbal Fluency for Thinking

• Think before you speak.
• Use your sense of hearing to really listen to others.

3.) Do Not Feel You Always Need to Be Right, Clever, and/or Orthodox

• Pay attention and check your ego at the door if necessary.
• Listen to your internal voice.

4.) Use Your Intelligence Constructively

• Do not set out to prove others wrong.
• Analyze all ideas without prejudgment.

5.) Think Expansively and Speculatively

• Do not be a reactive thinker.
• Go beyond traditional boundaries.

6.) Do Not Jump to Conclusions

• Resist the urge to solve problems too quickly.

7.) Don’t Confuse Cleverness for Wisdom

• Cleverness is not dependent upon experience.

 1. The Right Answer

“Watch your step when you immediately know the one way to do anything. Nine times out of ten, there are several better ways.” –William B. Given, Jr.

2. That’s Not Logical

The arrogance of logic obstructs the use of new ideas.

3. Follow the Rules

“Every healthy and creative individual resists engulfment by custom and rigid habits”. –Herbert Bonner

4. Be Practical

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”–George R. Kirkpatrick

5. Avoid Ambiguity

The better the idea, the more likely it is to have been extremely vague.

6. To Err is Wrong

“Success depends upon staying power. The reason for failure in most cases is a lack of perseverance.” –James Russell Miller

7. Play is Frivolous

“I suspect that almost all creativity is really the result of play, in the higher meaning of the word.”

8. That’s Not My Area

“The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.” –Brendan Francis

9. Don’t be Foolish

“It takes courage to be creative, just as soon as you have a new idea, you’re in the minority of one.” -E. Paul Torrance

10. I’m Not Creative

When you feel creative, you’ve already won half the battle.

“Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to waste and destroy.” -Henri DeLubac

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, “Good morning! What are you doing?”

The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish in the ocean.”

“I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”

“The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them in they’ll die.”

“But young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. “It made a difference for that one.”

His response surprised the man. He was upset. He didn’t know how to reply. So instead, he turned away and walked back to his cottage.

All day as he worked, the image of that young man haunted him. He tried to ignore it, but the vision persisted. Finally late in the afternoon he realized that he had missed the essential nature of the young man’s actions. Because he realized that what the young man was doing was choosing not to be an observer in the universe and watch it pass by, but was choosing to be an actor in the universe and make a difference. He was embarrassed.

That night he went to bed, troubled. When morning came he awoke knowing that he had to do something. So he got up, put on his clothes, went to the beach and found the young man. And with him he spent the rest of the morning throwing starfish in the ocean.

• Celebrate achievements publicly
• Verbal rewards are cost effective and easy
• If possible, everyone values some extra time off
• Gifts or gift certificates are always nice
• Travel or a chance to attend a conference is also a way to recognize peak performers

Learning to be CALM is more than a set of techniques; it’s a philosophy about how you’re going to live your life. Stress management is ultimately lifestyle management. When you decide to manage your stress, you’re making a decision about the quality of your life – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You can learn to CALM down using the CALM model for stress management.

C

• Prevent the stress
• Confront the stressor
• Ask for help
• Manage your time
• Learn to say “No”
• Take a break
• Anticipate Stressors

A

• Change your thinking
• Don’t worry
• Handle anger
• Don’t make it worse

L

• Holding on
• Adding on
• Why let go
• Balancing
• Type A behavior
• Type B behavior

 M

• Negative coping
• Positive lifestyles
• Diet
• Exercise
• Relaxation
• Support

Situations in which too much pressure exists are known as stressors. Stressors are situations in which people feel anxiety, tension, and pressure. Stressors are events and situations to which people must adjust, and the impact of the stressor and how people react depend on the circumstances and on each person’s physical and psychological characteristics. Stress is an individual matter. In a given situation one person may be very comfortable while another feels stress. Too much stress over an extended period of time can have negative consequences.

Balancing Act – Worksheet

Since stress is a fact of life, we must all learn how to cope with it. Each of us can help maintain good physical and mental health by learning how to balance the negative stressors in our lives with stress reduction techniques. These techniques involve both positive behaviors and positive attitudes. Picture your life as a seesaw. Too many negative stressors can pull you close to the ground. Positive stress reducers keep us in balance – or even lift us high in the air. Respond to the following true or false questions as honestly as you can.

1. True___ False ___  I set unrealistic goals for myself.
2. True___ False ___  I feel rested when I wake up in the morning.
3. True___ False ___  I am anxious about my personal finances.
4. True___ False ___  I have a support network of co-workers, friends and family.
5. True___ False ___  I eat foods that are high in calories, saturated fats and low in fiber.
6. True___ False ___  I set my priorities and pace out my day.
7. True___ False ___  I suffer from low self-esteem due to the way I perceive my physical appearance, education, family background, job skills, etc.
8. True___ False ___  I follow a prescribed exercise routine.
9. True___ False ___  I drink, smoke or take other drugs.
10.  True___ False ___  I practice relaxation techniques – yoga, mediation, self-hypnosis, visualization, etc.

SCORING: Odd numbered statements, 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9, indicate negative stressors in your life. For each of these that you marked True, give yourself minus 10 points. Add up the score to get your total minus points.

Even numbered statements, 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10 indicate Stress Reducers in your life. For each of these that you marked True, give yourself plus 10 points. Add up the score to get your total positive points.

Add your minus points and your positive points together (Example: -50 added to a +40 equals a –10). See whether you came in on the plus side or negative side of the balance. A high positive score means you’re ahead of the game in reducing stress. A high negative score indicates a red alert. You need to start practicing stress reduction techniques now. A low negative score, low positive score or a zero means there is ample room for improvement in your stress reduction techniques.

Our next post will give you some ideas on how to address these negative stress factors

For example what are the facts regarding this figure?

If this drawing is shown to a group of people and each person is asked to describe what he/she sees, some will say, without any trace of doubt or hesitation, “A profile of a bald man with eyeglasses and a hooked nose.” Other observers, with no less confidence, will respond, “A rat!” One might wonder how both responses could be right—or whether anybody needed an eye examination or one group was lying. It is easy to imagine the arguments between the two groups of observers after the picture is withdrawn.

Situations illustrated by “Mr. Rat” are not as infrequent as they may appear. Many organizational conflicts revolve around the differences that we see in the facts. What lens are we looking through. What’s our perception.

Our perception is formed though basic characteristics that are inborn and/or that greatly affect how we are socialized. For example; Age, Race, Ethnicity, Gender, Physical Abilities/Qualities, Intellect, and Sexual/Affectional Orientation. These are the characteristics that we are born with, they are at our core. The secondary dimension in forming our perception are those characteristics that are acquired and can modify throughout our life. Factors such as income, religion, and geographic location may exert a significant impact in childhood, but most of the others are less salient than the core dimensions. However, all of these characteristics add another layer to our self-definition and can profoundly shape our experiences. Education, Work Background, Income, Marital Status, Military Experience, Religious Beliefs just to name a few.

People with different experiences or in different cultures organize their world into different patterns and hence possess different concepts for almost the same situation. They perceive the world slightly differently. They look at the world through a different lens.

It is now easier to understand what might take place in the differing observations of the above figure “Mr. Rat” is drawn ambiguously, the perceiver is forced to rely on certain cues in order to establish a meaning for the drawing. If the observer perceives a person (that is, in the past he or she has seen similar drawings of a person), then the cues that he or she sees give rise to the perception of a person. Similarly, past experiences with similar drawings of rats give rise to the perception of a rat. Thus, two observers with two different “sets” perceive two different drawings, even though the image projected on the retinas of both observers is identical. In this case the differences lies in past experiences rather than differences in motivation or emotions.

• Effective discipline places the responsibility for the problem and the solution on the individual who is the disciplinary problem rather than on his or her supervisor.
• Effective discipline provides for a positive outcome rather than a punitive one.
• Effective discipline solves the problem rather than exacerbating it.

Characteristics of an Effective Disciplinarian

• Setting clear expectations
• Being sensitive to individual situations
• Being empathetic
• Listening
• Putting the responsibility for both the problem and the solution on the employee

Steps of Effective Discipline

• Focus on a specific performance problem
• Gain agreement about the problem from the team member
• Have the employee take the lead in proposing solutions to the problem
• Have the employee take the lead in proposing the follow-up process