Influencing

Influencing is an effort to have an impact on the subordinate. It involves increasing the subordinate’s autonomy, practicing positive reinforcement, and fostering the subordinate’s identification with the manager.

Increasing the Subordinate’s Autonomy

Influencing is often thought of as decreasing the autonomy of the influenced person and directing him or her into channels that are predetermined by the person exerting influence. However, the positive influencing that takes place during a coaching session has the opposite effect; the person who is influenced is granted a wider scope of decision making. There are two different influencing behaviors that are most effective when coaching. One is called the direct mode, which restricts the freedom of the person being influenced; the other is called the indirect mode, which increases the freedom of the influenced person.

For coaching to have the intended effect, the manager must use the indirect mode by accepting the subordinate’s feelings as well as his or her own, expressing those feelings, acknowledging and praising good ideas contributed by the subordinate, and raising questions that promote thinking and exploration.

Coaching involves three main processes: communicating, influencing, and helping. When communicating, the manager listens (receives messages), initiates and responds (gives messages), and gives feedback. When influencing, the manager persuades the subordinate to move in a particular direction by positively reinforcing desirable behavior; encourages the subordinate to exercise more autonomy; and fosters the subordinate’s identification with the manager as someone whose experience, skill, and influence are greater than the subordinate’s own. When helping, the manager expresses concern and empathy for the subordinate, establishes the mutuality of the relationship, and assists the subordinate in identifying his or her developmental needs. During the helping phase of a coaching session, both parties respond to the needs of the other.

Helping

The whole function of performance coaching can be seen as helping. However, the specific task of helping during a coaching session involves particular activities:

Expressing Concern and Empathy
Without demonstrating genuine concern for the subordinate, the manager cannot provide effective helping during a coaching session. The manager must be able to empathize with the subordinate and reflect this empathy in the tone of the conversation and the kinds of questions asked.

Establishing Mutuality
Coaching entails receiving help as well as giving it. Unless the mutuality of the helping relationship is established during the coaching session so that both parties feel free to ask for and provide help, coaching cannot be effective. Mutuality is based on trust and the genuine perception that each party has something important to contribute. Although the manager is in a superior position, he or she must demonstrate willingness to learn and to receive help from the subordinate.

Identifying Developmental Needs
The ultimate purpose of performance coaching is the systematic and specific identification of a subordinate’s developmental needs. Once these needs have been identified, plans can be made regarding ways to fulfill them.

Coaching involves three main processes: communicating, influencing, and helping. When communicating, the manager listens (receives messages), initiates and responds (gives messages), and gives feedback. When influencing, the manager persuades the subordinate to move in a particular direction by positively reinforcing desirable behavior; encourages the subordinate to exercise more autonomy; and fosters the subordinate’s identification with the manager as someone whose experience, skill, and influence are greater than the subordinate’s own. When helping, the manager expresses concern and empathy for the subordinate, establishes the mutuality of the relationship, and assists the subordinate in identifying his or her developmental needs. During the helping phase of a coaching session, both parties respond to the needs of the other.

Communicating

The climate of a coaching session should be friendly to increase the chances that the subordinate will be receptive. It is important for the manager to remember that communication is influenced by how the problems and issues to be discussed are perceived by both parties. Communication can become distorted if the manager and subordinate do not establish empathy for each other and try to understand each other’s point of view, In addition, nonverbal communication is as important as verbal communication; gestures, posture, and tone are critical.

Initiating: During a coaching session the manager typically asks a number of questions for various purposes: obtaining information, establishing rapport, clarifying, and stimulating thinking. The questions that are asked and the manner of asking them can either facilitate or hinder the process of communicating. Some questions can make a subordinate either shut down or respond in a way that indicates dependence on the manager, whereas others can build openness and autonomy.

Responding: A manager’s responses to a subordinate’s comments can be either useful or alienating. Responses that are empathic, supportive, and exploratory are useful, whereas those that alienate criticize, or deliver orders are likely to be counter-productive.

Giving Feedback: Giving feedback is important in terms of increasing the subordinate’s self-awareness, particularly with regard to strengths and weaknesses. If properly given, feedback results in greater rapport between the supervisor and the subordinate.

Feedback is effective when the manager ensures that it:

• Is descriptive rather than evaluative;
• Is focused on the subordinate’s behavior rather than the subordinate as a person;
• Concerns behavior that is modifiable;
• Is specific and based on data rather than general and based on impressions;
• Provides data from the manager’s own experience;
• Reinforces positive new behavior and what the subordinate has done well;
• Suggests rather than prescribes avenues for improvement;
• Is continual rather than sporadic;
• Is based on need and is elicited by the subordinate;
• Is intended to help;
• Satisfies the needs of both the manager and the subordinate;
• Is checked with other sources for verification;
• Is well timed; and
• Contributes to the rapport between the manager and the subordinate and enhances their relationship.

Type

Behavior

Suggestion

Hostile

• “It’ll never work.”
• “That’s a typical engineering viewpoint.”

• “How do others feel about this?”
• “You may be right, but let’s review the facts and the evidence.

Know-It-All

• “I have worked on this project more than anyone in this room…”
• “I have done this kind of work for years…”

• Let’s review the facts.”  (Avoid theory speculation)
• “Another person with noteworthy experience in this has advised us…”

Loudmouth

• Constantly blurts out ideas or questions.
• Tries to dominate the meeting.

• Interrupt: “Can you summarize your main point/question for us?”
• “I appreciate your comments, but we should also hear from others.”

Interrupter

• Starts talking before others are finished.

• “Wait a minute, Jim, let’s let Jan finish what she was saying.”

Interpreter

• “What John is really trying to say is…”
• “John would respond to that question by saying…”

• “Let’s let John speak for himself.  Go ahead, John, finish what you were saying.”
• “John, how would you respond.”
• “John, do you think Jim correctly understood what you said?”

Gossiper

• “Isn’t there a regulation that you can’t…”
• “I thought I heard the VP Finance say…”

• “Can anyone here verify this?”        ( assuming no response)
• “Let’s not take the time of the group until we can verify the accuracy of this information.

Whisperer

• Irritating side conversation going on between two people.

• Walk up close to the guilty parties and make eye contact.
• Stop talking and establish dead silence.
• Politely ask the whisperers to wait until the meeting is over to finish their conversation

Type

Behavior

Suggestion

Silent Distracter

• Reads newspapers, rolls eyes, shakes their head, or fidgets.

• Ask them questions to determine their level of interest, support, and expertise.
• Try to build an alliance by drawing them into the discussion.
• If all of the above doesn’t work, discuss your concerns with them during a break.

 Busy-Busy

• Ducks in and out of the meeting repeatedly, taking messages, dealing with crisis.

• Schedule the meeting away from the office.
• Check with common offenders before the meeting to ask if the planned time is okay for minimum interruptions.

 Latecomer

• Comes late and interrupts the meeting.

• Announce an odd time (8:46) for the meeting to emphasize the necessity for promptness.
• Make it inconvenient for latecomers to find a seat.
• Stop talking until the latecomer finds a seat.
• Establish a “latecomer’s kitty” for refreshments.
• Continue with the meeting and bring the latecomer up to speed after the meeting.

Early Leaver

• Announces, with regrets that they must leave for another important activity.

•  Before starting, announce the ending time and ask if anyone has a scheduling conflict.

• If you don’t you are apt to become trapped into a particular view just because you are comfortable with it.
• Get out of your comfort zone.

2.) Do Not Confuse Verbal Fluency for Thinking

• Think before you speak.
• Use your sense of hearing to really listen to others.

3.) Do Not Feel You Always Need to Be Right, Clever, and/or Orthodox

• Pay attention and check your ego at the door if necessary.
• Listen to your internal voice.

4.) Use Your Intelligence Constructively

• Do not set out to prove others wrong.
• Analyze all ideas without prejudgment.

5.) Think Expansively and Speculatively

• Do not be a reactive thinker.
• Go beyond traditional boundaries.

6.) Do Not Jump to Conclusions

• Resist the urge to solve problems too quickly.

7.) Don’t Confuse Cleverness for Wisdom

• Cleverness is not dependent upon experience.

 1. The Right Answer

“Watch your step when you immediately know the one way to do anything. Nine times out of ten, there are several better ways.” –William B. Given, Jr.

2. That’s Not Logical

The arrogance of logic obstructs the use of new ideas.

3. Follow the Rules

“Every healthy and creative individual resists engulfment by custom and rigid habits”. –Herbert Bonner

4. Be Practical

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”–George R. Kirkpatrick

5. Avoid Ambiguity

The better the idea, the more likely it is to have been extremely vague.

6. To Err is Wrong

“Success depends upon staying power. The reason for failure in most cases is a lack of perseverance.” –James Russell Miller

7. Play is Frivolous

“I suspect that almost all creativity is really the result of play, in the higher meaning of the word.”

8. That’s Not My Area

“The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.” –Brendan Francis

9. Don’t be Foolish

“It takes courage to be creative, just as soon as you have a new idea, you’re in the minority of one.” -E. Paul Torrance

10. I’m Not Creative

When you feel creative, you’ve already won half the battle.

“Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to waste and destroy.” -Henri DeLubac

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, “Good morning! What are you doing?”

The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish in the ocean.”

“I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”

“The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them in they’ll die.”

“But young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. “It made a difference for that one.”

His response surprised the man. He was upset. He didn’t know how to reply. So instead, he turned away and walked back to his cottage.

All day as he worked, the image of that young man haunted him. He tried to ignore it, but the vision persisted. Finally late in the afternoon he realized that he had missed the essential nature of the young man’s actions. Because he realized that what the young man was doing was choosing not to be an observer in the universe and watch it pass by, but was choosing to be an actor in the universe and make a difference. He was embarrassed.

That night he went to bed, troubled. When morning came he awoke knowing that he had to do something. So he got up, put on his clothes, went to the beach and found the young man. And with him he spent the rest of the morning throwing starfish in the ocean.

• Celebrate achievements publicly
• Verbal rewards are cost effective and easy
• If possible, everyone values some extra time off
• Gifts or gift certificates are always nice
• Travel or a chance to attend a conference is also a way to recognize peak performers

Learning to be CALM is more than a set of techniques; it’s a philosophy about how you’re going to live your life. Stress management is ultimately lifestyle management. When you decide to manage your stress, you’re making a decision about the quality of your life – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You can learn to CALM down using the CALM model for stress management.

C

• Prevent the stress
• Confront the stressor
• Ask for help
• Manage your time
• Learn to say “No”
• Take a break
• Anticipate Stressors

A

• Change your thinking
• Don’t worry
• Handle anger
• Don’t make it worse

L

• Holding on
• Adding on
• Why let go
• Balancing
• Type A behavior
• Type B behavior

 M

• Negative coping
• Positive lifestyles
• Diet
• Exercise
• Relaxation
• Support